…and in the moment, she kissed me, when I realized that she can not really resist me or want, I get, that this is the best I can expect from a night that had to end up horrible. I’m sitting here, my nose still full of her beautifull smell, my lips still burning of her last kiss and my head full of thoughts she injected there, don’t know what to think. She told me things about herself, that makes me bite my nails, jealous of everyone who’s with her now or even let me hate me not to be perfekt to her, as she is to me. Although I get the kiss i’m looking forward to, it felt much more like a kiss of godbye, than a kiss at the start of something. I’m not sure if this fragments my heart in thousands of pieces or if I’m just disappointed about the choise she made, including so much disadvantages. And unsure about what’s becomming now, if I get a good friend or an unclear memory, the fact is, she’s not going to be my girlfriend at all and everyone who read this, please be so kind and not ask any questions about it.